The Teleski family had lived in the mansion on top of the hill ever since the hill was built in the late 1740s. Of course, it hadn’t always been a mansion. It had started out as a one room shed that really wasn’t supposed to hold humans, but Really Old Mr. Teleski had insisted on having his family there, as it still afforded a wonderful view. He had spent all his money building the hill, and it wasn’t until four generations later, well after Really Old Mr. Teleski had died, that Young Mr. Teleski was able to build up the house to something that could be considered a mansion. Of course, he didn’t stop there. He continued to build onto the mansion, both up and out, for the rest of his life, and after he died his children did the same. By the sixth generation it was a labyrinthian structure with a roof too high to be rained on and roots too deep to be dug up. Over the generations the family had also had to build on to the hill, as the house had begun to spill over the side a few times, so that it now resembled a large, grassy plateau.
By the seventh generation, where our story starts, the house was dreadfully crowded. You see, although the mansion was passed down to one child only, and the other siblings moved out upon marriage, somehow they and their families always ended up back in the mansion. You can imagine how much space a large family with husbands, wives, and children added on would take up, but now imagine this was a particularly rowdy family, and let us not forget the dead. Most people, when they die, have the decency to stay out of the world of the living, but when Really Old Mr. Teleski died, he was still so attached to the little shed he had built that he came back and haunted it. His son soon grew tired of constantly having his father around, so he built onto it, but Really Old Mr. Teleski had started a tradition, and every Teleski who died thereafter, wether related by blood or by marriage, ended up returning to the Teleski mansion after death whether they wanted to or not. Of course, you must know that a houseful of ghosts will undoubtedly attract other creatures of like nature, and soon the Teleski mansion was haunted not only by Teleski ghosts, but also by the ghosts of strangers, whispy skeletons, ghouls, poltergeists, specters, and every other kind of debatably physical creature you can imagine.
The living Teleski family wouldn’t have minded, but the dead always wanted to return to the rooms they had inhabited when they were alive, so every generation had to build their own living area. The dead didn’t even have the decency to stay put! No, they wanted to be all chummy with everyone and drifted about the house willy nilly, having loud conversations at every hour. Ghosts, of course, do not need sleep.
The living wouldn’t have minded, but it was impossible to have a private conversation. Some ghost or specter always overheard you and spread the news around to the other debatably physical beings, who inevitably discussed it in loud voices until the entire house knew about it. Secrecy wasn’t an option in the Teleski family.
The living wouldn’t have minded, but it made having friends over the house complicated. Everyone in Town knew about the Teleski tradition, but sometimes the kids brought home friends from college, or a business partner wanted to meet with the Current Mr. Teleski at his mansion. It always threw guests for a violent loop the first time a pair of shouting ghosts bursted through a wall, or a poltergeist zoomed through the window squawking and throwing tiny pebbles about.
The living wouldn’t have minded, but the debatably physical beings thought it was funny to startle them, and they started planning elaborate schemes together to prank the living. At first it was scary, then it was funny, then it was annoying, and when our story happens it was just a part of life.
The living never knew when a coffee table, suddenly visible, would zoom through the air aimed at someone’s head, or a skeleton with glowing red eyes would creak open a bedroom door and stand screaming at the foot of the bed. Soon, they all developed Jedi-like reflexes (or else were killed by way of a coffee table to the head) and the ability to sleep through anything. The skills were exceedingly useful at home.
At college, however, they created some awkward situations. When Current Liza-Jane Teleski moved into her dorm, her roommate fell asleep with a cigarette in her mouth and lit the building on fire. Though the alarm went off and all of the other students escaped unharmed, Current Liza-Jane slept on, and found herself back in the mansion the following morning. When a representative from the college came to the mansion with the charred remains of Recently-Passed Liza-Jane’s body to deliver the bad news to the family, he was greeted at the door by a child in a frock-coat (someone had to open the door), two skeletons debating the proper pronunciation of “pretzel” (they were babysitting), and the ghost of Recently-Passed Liza-Jane, who did the talking. When Recently-Passed Liza-Jane asked how she could help him, the man simply stared for a moment before dashing off the porch and down the street. He was so eager to get away he left without the car holding the body. Earn the Teleskis saw what it was, Recently-Passed Liza-Jane said “it isn’t as if we didn’t already know I was dead”, and they left it there in the driveway.
When Current Josiah (who’s nickname was CJ) visited his friend one town over, he leaped in one smooth motion from the kitchen floor to the top of the fridge on the other side of the room when the dog surprised him with a wet nose on his ankle. The fridge collapsed a moment later (most houses weren’t as over-built as the Teleski mansion), and the friendship ended there.
Chances of making new friends weren’t much helped when the family started driving around the hurst the college representative had left in the driveway, but what else were they supposed to do with a perfectly good car? And why should they remove Recently-Passed Liza-Jane’s remains? It was because of her that they had gotten the vehicle, after all.
New people were always asking why they had “Current” in front of their name, and that made for awkward explanations when dealing with people who didn’t believe in ghosts.
People were always asking the living all sorts of questions about why they did what they did. They were especially puzzled by the Teleskis’ surprise at how thing all the doors and walls were, and their desire to know all about the building materials. Eventually, the Teleskis learned that these structures weren’t made from any different materials, they just weren’t inhabited by hordes of debatably physical creatures. Most people, however, didn’t know about the Teleski tradition, and insisted that the things they did made no sense.
THE END
